my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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