I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
