I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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