guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
