Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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