We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
