I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
