i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
