i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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