her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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