Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
