one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
