i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
