I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i will never coherently bang her
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
