He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is Oprah even human
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
