he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
