Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize