Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
