Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
