I molested 6 butterflies tonight
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
