She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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