Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
