It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
