I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
