I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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