community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
