There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
