I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
