One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
