my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
