I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
