At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
