I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
