I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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