I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
