you will always have a special place in my vag
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize