Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
