I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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