Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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