If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
