dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
