So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
