Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
