Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
