i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm like, not good at living.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
