you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
