ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
