so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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