I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
