I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
