our cab driver is having phone sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he's gonorrhea incarnate
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
