It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
