Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
