i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
