Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
