i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do vagina's smell?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
