so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize