the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
