p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
