I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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