it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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