Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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