you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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