Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize