u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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