I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
