Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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