I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
