so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We need to rekindle our bromance
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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