It's just like the Real World with babies
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
