and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
