So drunk its hurt
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and she was petting her beer can
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
