I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Less talking, more tequila
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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