i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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