Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
