And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
