I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
