and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
