Can i not drive my cunt home
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
