this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
