I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
