In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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