I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
