Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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