soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Boobs are out for the taking
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
