my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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