your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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